MYTHS AND FACTS on Family Violence

Relatively few non-Indigenous Australians have much to do with Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander people in their everyday lives. A lack of firsthand information provides fertile ground for simplistic or false perceptions.

A persistent attitude is to blame problems on Aboriginal behaviour or lifestyles. It is true that there are cultural differences between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians, and that there may be severe social problems in some Indigenous communities caused by alienation, cultural breakdown and demoralisation. These issues call for understanding and an appreciation of their causes in the collective experience of Aboriginal people in this country.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THINGS WE HEAR PEOPLE SAY ABOUT FAMILY VIOLENCE?

'Alcohol is the cause of family violence'
While alcohol is a big problem in some Indigenous communities, it is still only one factor contributing to family violence. Drinking can add courage to someone carrying out an assault, but family violence still happens in situations where there is no alcohol involved.

'She must enjoy being abused'
There are a lot of reasons why people stay in violent situations, all of which are quite valid to those involved. Some people just don't understand these and so assume that a victim of family violence must enjoy it. This is quite false. No one enjoys or deserves to be abused or assaulted!

'She's made her bed, now she should lie in it'
Once again blame is placed on the victim who is seen to have brought the situation upon themself, and in doing so must put up with the consequences. No one has to put up with a violent situation, and with the support of family and friends they should be helped through the crisis and/or out of it.

'She can always walk away'
There are many reasons why people stay in a violent situation: sometimes because they feel bound by marriage or are encouraged to stay by family or friends. A lot of the time people just don't have the money to leave or places to go in a time of crisis…
Whatever the reasons, they are valid to those involved although not quite so obvious to other people.

'She knew what she was getting into'
Not many people are aware of the full extent of another person's violent behaviour. In fact, many people don't find out until much later in the relationship, sometimes too late.

'She must have done something to deserve it'
Some people blame the victim for provoking an attack, either by nagging, put downs or other behaviour, however, not all offenders need reasons to hit out… Regardless of what brings on the attack, no one ever deserves to be abused.

'Abusers are violent in all relationships'
Most abusers have good relationships with others outside of their partnership, or immediate families.

'He can't help it, violence runs in the family'
Family and friends sometimes make excuses for him. Regardless of whether or not someone has been brought up in a violent background, there is no justification for abuse. VIOLENCE IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOUR and this myth takes away the abuser's responsibility for their own behaviour.

'The relationship will get better, things will change'
Some women are told this by their family or friends, even counsellors may take this approach in an attempt to encourage the woman to stay. Waiting and hoping for the relationship to improve will not change it. Family violence is cyclical, and will only become worse. There is a need to speak out about it and to take steps to see that it does change.

'If women become educated, they won't be subject to this abuse'
This is not true. Family violence in all its forms affects people of all professions and occurs in all social classes, regardless of whether people are educated or not.

'He just does it to let off pressure/steam'
The day to day struggle of the Indigenous people of this country places enormous amounts of pressure upon them. Sometimes anger and frustration needs to be vented, but it needs to be kept in check so that it doesn't cause harm or injury. There's no excuse for abuse.

'Abuse means he cares'
Unfortunately, some Indigenous people have been brought up with the idea that love includes violence every now and then. This is just not so. Abuse means a lot of pain and heartache for the victim and a lot of problems to overcome for the offender.

'Saying sorry means he's changed'
While the regret and remorse may be genuine, it is not a sign that he has changed. Abusers usually get caught up in a cycle and may get some satisfaction from inflicting the abuse. More pressure and stress may build up again and cause further problems.

'It's no one else's business, it's a domestic'
Many people feel a need to keep their experience of family violence to themselves for a number of reasons: shame, guilt, fear of being singled out, of not being believed, of being threatened, or because they see it as their problem. It's hard for many people to talk about it openly, but if the problem is to be overcome we need to acknowledge it, speak out about it and say, "Stop the abuse"

'Kids aren't affected by family violence'
How many times have we heard it said, 'Kids will always bounce back', 'They'll get over it'? The fact is, kids suffer enormously from the effects of family violence: they feel hurt, and often turn to drugs, alcohol and other substance abuse. They are running away from home, dropping out of schools and being institutionalised.

'Only a small percentage of Aboriginal communities are affected by family violence'
The simple fact is that family violence is widespread in most Indigenous communities. It has been around for a long time and is slowly destroying Aboriginal culture. Many people have been too scared to talk about it, let alone report it, …therefore only a few incidents are heard of. Hopefully, as more people become less afraid to speak out, communities can work together towards a solution.

'It's part of being black, isn't it?'
Traditionally in some areas, if a member of an Aboriginal community deserved punishment, it was the responsibility of the elders or other designated members of the community to carry it out guided by customary laws. This did not include spousal abuse or violence towards members of one's own family, as is sometimes believed. Aboriginal elders condemn the practice of domestic and other forms of violence. The acceptance of white ways such as drug and alcohol use and the customary belief that women and children are men's possessions has been to the detriment of Aboriginal people and their communities.

articles on
Historical Facts on Family Violence
What is Family Violence

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